Kapamilya actress Angelica Panganiban got candid about the emotional challenges that come with being an actor, revealing how mental health struggles can lead some artists to addiction or depression.
In her conversation with volleyball star Alyssa Valdez on the latter’s podcast, Angelica opened up about the misconceptions people have about showbiz and the emotional toll of portraying different characters.
“Alam mo kung ano yung mahirap na hindi naiintindihan ng mga tao? Akala nila yung mga artista, sasabihin nila, ‘Ah, ano iyan, wild iyan, ganito iyan, pariwara iyan,’” she said. “Makakarinig at makakarinig ka talaga ng mga gano’n. Pero ang hindi nila alam, hindi naman sila mga artista. Hindi niyo alam ang pinagdadaanan namin every scene.”
Angelica explained that constantly shifting emotions during shoots can affect an actor’s mental health.
“Parang sa isang eksena namatayan kami, tapos sa susunod na eksena, sobrang saya namin, may birthday party kaming lahat. Tapos yung susunod na eksena, namolestiya kami. So, uuwi ka ng bahay na ang daming nangyari sa iyo, mentally. So, hindi ka talaga makakatulog.”
She went on to say that some artists turn to alcohol or illegal drugs as a way to cope with their emotional exhaustion.
“Kaya may iba, nagiging addict, di ba? May iba na talagang nare-rehab, na nasisira yung buhay nila. Hindi nila alam kung paano i-numb yung sarili nila pag-uwi nila ng bahay. And may ibang tao, ang takbuhan nila is alcohol or drugs. Nakaka-escape na sila, e (sa reyalidad ng buhay). Parang gagaan ang loob mo, and then kahit paano, maitutulog mo.”
“Gigising ka, it’s another day. Parang di mo na alam ulit yung nangyari kahapon. Para siyang blackhole, parang pag pinasok mo puwede ka niyang higupin. Magiging masamang tao ka na lang din.”
She also described acting as “tricky” and “delikado,” admitting that it can be hard to detach from a role.
“Of course, well, hindi ko naman nilalahat, ha. Meron din naman talagang magaling umarte, and talagang nakaka-snap out sila.”
Starting as a child star, Angelica said she didn’t fully understand the emotions she went through back then. She recalled suffering a breakdown around 2009 to 2010, at the height of her career, when she was juggling multiple projects.
“Ginagawa ko yung ‘Rubi’, ginagawa ko yung ‘I Love You, Goodbye’, ginagawa ko yung ‘Banana Sunday’, na nagki-Kris Aquino ako (Kris TV). Then Sunday, nag-a-‘ASAP’ ka pa. May mga guestings ka.”
She recalled breaking down in front of her Banana Sundae co-star John Prats during a taping.
“Naalala ko noon, napaupo ako bigla, tapos breakdown ako sa kanya. Nasa taping kami ng comedy show, ha. So, sino mag-aakala na may chance at makakaramdam ka ng depression o kaguluhan ng isip mo habang surrounded ka ng masasayahing tao? Pero wala, e, nangyari lang talaga siya.”
“Iyak ako nang iyak. Sabi ko, hindi ko na kilala yung sarili ko. Ang dami kong ginagawa. Tapos napo-portray ko sila with flying colors, pero si Angelica, wala na, wala na siya. Nasaan siya? Tapos iyak ako nang iyak.”
According to Angelica, mental health wasn’t openly discussed back then, and seeking help came with stigma.
“Kung iisipin mo talaga siya, ang heavy noon para sa isang 24 years old na dalaga, ‘tapos lost ka. Hindi mo na alam ang identity mo. Gusto kong magpa-therapy, gusto kong magpa-psychiatrist,” she recalled. “Kapag sinabi mong you need help, sasabihin ng mga tao baliw ka and maluwag ang turnilyo. ‘Kaya mo iyan, toughen up.’ Nung nanghingi ako ng help, yun ang binalik sa akin.”
She admitted she was also afraid of being judged and possibly losing work opportunities. “Ang takot din daw niya noon ay baka isiping ‘baliw’ siya at baka hindi na siya mabigyan ng projects.”
Despite that difficult period, Angelica said she was able to overcome it with the support of her friends. Ironically, that was also the time her career was flourishing.
“Pero kahit ganun, hindi pala talaga siya ang ultimate dream ko,” she said, realizing that fame and success didn’t bring her true happiness.
For Angelica, fulfillment came from becoming a mother to her daughter Amila Sabine and a wife to Gregg Homan.
“Hindi pala talaga siya ang ultimate dream ko,” she repeated. “Ito pala ay ang maging ina kay Amila Sabine at ang pagiging asawa ni Gregg Homan.”
