Kapuso host and trivia master Kim Atienza admitted that six months after the passing of his youngest daughter Emman, he continues to grieve—emphasizing that the pain of losing a child never truly goes away.
Speaking during a media interview following his contract renewal with Santé Barley as brand ambassador, Atienza reflected on grief and how it has reshaped his life.
“A lot of people think that grief is linear. That given time, you will heal. No. You will never heal. Especially death of a child.
“You never will heal. But what happens is, the grief is a gauze. This is my love for Emman. But it’s love unrealized. How can I love her? She’s gone.”
He explained that grief can transform a person either for the worse or for the better.
“If I turn worse and I turn bitter, then my Emman becomes an ambassador of evil. ‘Di ba? But if I’m a little kind and I’m better after what happened to Emman, that makes my Emman an ambassador of good.
“The grief is still there. A lot of mga kaibigan natin na namatayan, akala n’yo, okay na. Hindi ‘yon okay. They cope but they will never be the same.”
Atienza shared that one of the ways he copes is by staying physically active, which helps his mental health.
“Pag naka-work out ako, mataas ang endorphins ko, I don’t grieve at all. That’s one.”
He also revealed that he chooses to confront grief directly, following advice from a fellow parent who also lost a child.
“Sabi niya, ‘A grieving person is full of wounds. Nasugatan ‘yan, e. You have two choices. Either you bandage it up, matagal gumaling. Or you get rid of the bandage, expose it.’
“That’s why I talk about this… this wound… para masanay, para lumabas. At the same time, nakaka-affect ako ng tao sa magandang paraan.”
Despite the passage of time, Atienza shared that their daughter’s room remains untouched.
“Every single morning, to enter her room, my Bible is beside the bed. I sit by the bed, I read my passages, and I grieve openly.”
He described how allowing himself to cry has become part of his healing process.
“What happens is, gusto ko maiyak ako, e. Dahil ‘pag umiyak na ako, hindi na ako iiyak nang isang araw. Nailabas ko na, e. Nai-release ko na, e. And I advise those grieving as well, that is the better way, I think. For me.”
Even while working, moments of grief still surface unexpectedly.
“Grief is like that, e. In the middle of a spiel, ‘yung spiel mo tungkol sa family. O kaya eto lang, ang guest namin, si Eman Pacquiao. Binabasa ko ‘yung spiels, ‘Eman, Eman,’ puro Eman. Gusto kong maiyak. Ganun ang grief, e.
“Minsan may P-pop group, guest namin. Kamukha ni Emman ‘yung isa. Sumasayaw ka, dapat nagpapatawa ako. Sa gitna ng live show, gusto kong umiyak.
“Normal iyan, normal iyan. Ganun talaga. They always say that grief comes in waves, e. It’s not linear.”
Atienza also revealed that his loss led him to a renewed sense of purpose—helping young people navigate mental health struggles.
“I guess they see me as a safe space. It is an honor, but also a big responsibility.”
He noted the powerful impact of words, especially online.
“With how I see the youth, grabe. It goes to show that online, comments can kill. Comments can save lives.”
“I think so,” he said when asked if this newfound advocacy is a purpose given by God.
“When Emman passed away, she [was still] passionate about [helping others through] her content. I guess binigay sa akin ito ng Panginoon. My daughter’s motto is ‘a little kindness.’ I’m a little kind to everyone. It doesn’t take much, only a little.”
While Atienza has resumed his work—appearing on programs such as ’24 Oras’, ’24 Oras Weekend’, ‘TiktoClock’, and ‘Dami Mong Alam, Kuya Kim’—he emphasized that grief remains part of his everyday life.
“I’m grieving right now. It never goes away. A lot of people think grief is linear, that if you give it time, you will heal. No. It never goes away.”
“What happens is grief [becomes] love realized. The heart becomes bigger. You become bigger. Grief changes you; it can change you in the worst way, or it can change you in a better way.”
Despite the pain, Kim Atienza continues to move forward—choosing kindness, purpose, and openness, while carrying the memory of his daughter Emman with him every day.
